I Hit You, I'm Sorry

This is from personal experience: If they hit you once, no matter what they say or how much time goes by, they WILL hit you again:

The first time he hit me, he didn't actually hit me. We were at a party, enjoying a good time over a few beers and conversation. We were introduced to some people and I did note that his eyes stayed on one particular person just a tad bit too long. I got over it and went on about having a great time. We had seperated, talking to different people and I went to ask him something but he was no where to be found. A friend told me he was in the bedroom on the right so I went on in -- only to find him with several other people, one of them being the girl he'd taken in with his eyes earlier. No matter, right?

After leaving the room he told me he was just about to get her phone number! I think I'd had too much to drink or was instantly shocked at what I'd heard because I turned right around to go back in the room to gather my coat and flat out told her that my husband wanted her phone number and she is to please, please give it to him.

I was angry and embarrassed and just wanted to leave. So, I hop in the car and proceded to start it up. Next thing I know, he is standing right in front of the car, daring me to mow him over -- uh, can you say bad move, mister?! I lurched the car to scare him out of my way and when he jumped, it was to the driver's side. Rut roh, I was not going to do well on this. He told me to stop the motor, I did. Shouldn't have, but did because I certainly didn't actually want to hurt anyone, least of all my daughters father. Well, he pulled me from the car, knocked me down and proceded to pound my head into the pavement.

And of course, it was entirely all my fault that he did that. At least, that is what he said. It was my fault he was trying to get another woman's phone number at a party I am at with him! It was my fault for over-reacting to what he was trying to do -- I just wanted to leave, and would have had he just stayed in the house. It was my fault for making him mad and beating my head into the road. Yeah, okay.

Well, I don't remember how either of us got home, but the next day after waking up, he did apologize. He was drunk (not hardly as we had only been at the party for about an hour, if that) and didn't know what he was doing. I let it go because he swore never to hit me in any way again and because I was unwilling to be the bad guy and toss him out. I know, I should have but you always think things will be good in the end. And if I had, I would be missing out on the lives of my two younger kids.

So, as I said, he apologized and said he wouldn't hit me in any way ever again. That held true for many years. Until one day when the dishes weren't clean enough for him. He took every single piece of dishware we had, flatware included, out of the cupboards and told me to re-wash it all and make sure it was clean this time. I was holding my middle one at the time when I told him if he wanted to make sure they were clean he could do it himself. BIG mistake! I saw his right arm rear back and a fist form and instantly turned to my left -- remember I am holding my youngest daughter. Had I not turned my body to the left, he would have landed a severe blow to her face. Instead, I took it in the upper arm and almost dropped my child as it hurt instantly.

In the back of my mind, it became clear to me that I was going to get out of it one day, somehow. I think I lost whatever good feeling I may have had left for him then as we declined a lot afterwards. Not that our marriage was ever that great, it was okay to a point, but because he hit me again and a few other things before and after it there was nothing left to work on to save us. Not that we didn't try a few times, but because I couldn't let go of past deeds it was no use. I admit it, I wanted to forgive and forget especially when I knew he'd actually fallen in love with me, but I'd been hurt far too much in too many ways to give in.

Don't ever stay in something if you ever feel at all that something's not quite right, if you've been hit or hit your someone else, or the feelings you had that were so great before are in question. It's never easy, even when you are at the point of wanting out. In ways I am glad I stayed as long as I did, in others I'm not -- no matter what your intentions, your kids are the ones who pay the price and it's just not worth it.