New Home For Dear Bette

All:

 

Dear Bette -- An Online Advice Column has a new home!  It may now be found at Dear Bette -- An Online Advice Column.  Would love for you to go check it out!  Thanks!

Happy Father's Day!

As far back as the 5th grade I remember realizing that my mom was the best dad a kid could have.  I began the practice of giving mom Father's Day cards, cooking her a special dinner and making her a cake.  When I got older and moved away, I always sent her serious and or humorous cards and called her on Dad's Day.  Mom was not just a mom to me, she was also my dad and I feel that I was fortunate to have developed a special relationship with her.  She was my best friend, a role model as a survivor, fighter, jokester.  True, as a youngin, she was not the best parent she could have been -- however, I later understood the why's of it all.

 

Dad's should teach you certain things.  As a child, mom taught us how to play sports, fish, camp -- just everything that typically falls upon dads.  Dad's typically feel it is their responsability to provide a decent home and food on the table.  Sometimes our food came from a food bank, but she made sure we were fed.  We always lived in a decent house and she did all she could to ensure it was a real home. 

 

So in honor of my mom, and the world full of moms just like her ~~~

 

Happy Father's Day!!!

Working Hard!

Hi All!

 

I haven't posted in a while and as I am now working two jobs due to, well, I'm sure you understand why folks are taking second jobs these days.  Anyway, I hope to be able to put something up here next week as my work schedule lightens up a little.

 

Thanks so much for continuing to come by -- it is much appreciated!

 

Great Site For The Plus Size Woman or Junior

Some time back, I met a woman online who runs the site Perfectly Shaped World. MK (Casey) van Bronkhorst realized that there were not many online stores that catered to the plus sized woman and developed this amazing store.

Now, I don't consider a size 12 falling into the plus size but some manufacturers do and that's where the size chart begins and goes all the way up to 7x. That alone gives women choices they are not going to find in an offline store. The pricing on the products are extremely affordable, too. It also gives the women who do not feel comfortable shopping in public an excellent resource to utilize.

Women, and men who like to shop for their ladies, will find everything from Accessories to Intamate Apparel. A fine selection of whatever one might want to showcase their curvey femine style. In looking through the store, I did not find the typical attire that you might see in a departments store, these items are just as fashionable and trendy as the smaller sized women have available to them.

When you visit the site, you will also see that there is a list of Centers for everything to complete your look: Hair care, fragrances, cosmetics and much more. You will also find a web community called the PSW Social Club where members can find friendship and support. I myself think the Perfect Pairings section listed under Shopper Services in the right side menu bar (where you can also utilize a Personal Shopper) to be most beneficial because I often have trouble recognizing what works with what and for which season!

I applaud this site owner, MK (Casey) van Bronkhorst, for bringing to the web community not just a store, but a welcome feeling that tells visitors they have as much right to great affordable fashion as those who can just pop into a land store and buy right off the rack.

Go visit Perfectly Shaped World today!

"Perfectly Shaped World - Plus Size Fashion-Forward Clothing and Apparel for Women and Juniors. Now Featuring: Earth Eco Friendly Center"

Tears In My Night

Silent moments often bring on silent memories. Memories from the past that are ever with us but are at times stirred by a sound, a smell, just a minutes thinking to long.With these memories many times come tears. IS it alright to cry? Is it o.k. for a "man" to shed tears? Well, if it is not then I guess I will have to face whatever stereotyped thoughts some may have. Nothing someone thinks will change the tears I cry in the night. After 23 years of loving and standing beside My Love, I think I earned a few. And as a bonus, crying has been found to be a healthy and often needed release of built up tensions and emotions. No, I don't go stand on the street corner and bawl my eyes out. Grandstand tears are meaningless and show no true sadness to me. But I guess I am getting away from my purpose for writing at 2 a.m.

There are so many reasons why I cry in my nights. Most I think you may relate too. I lay in my bed at night and I remember talking with My Love about tomorrow. We talked about our yesterdays and plans for the weekend. We laughed sometimes, we smiled a lot and yes... we made love. Did I tell her how much she meant to me? Did I hold her in a way that she knew? I lay in my bed at night and I talk to her just like I would if she were physically laying beside me. I ask her things that I am having trouble figuring out and wait for an answer.

What brings these things on? What makes them so powerful some nights. Perhaps events of the day or things that you heard or felt. The questions you ask seem silly at times but when they were asked... they seemed very right. My question tonight was... When do you just quit "reaching for the stars?" Ever ask yourself that question? I do. I had been playing my guitar and singing with my daughter and family. It is something I enjoy doing so much and can do for hours. My daughter had to work in the early morning. I knew this and understand her need for sleep. Something I require almost none of. She excused herself and others said they too wanted to sleep. I still had song inside of me. I was not ready to just stop. And then it hit me. Suddenly I was flooded with memories of when Sheila was here. I remembered the excitement of when I was cutting my CD. I remember how happy and proud she was of me when it was finished and we listened to it together. She would sit for hours, even tired, and just listen to me play and my heart would swell so big.

And of course, one memory begets another and I was remembering when my first novel was published. The excitement and the smiles as we opened it and read D.R.Day on the cover 100 times. She was so proud of me. My second novel was no different for her. She hugged and smiled and hugged me some more. She was my greatest fan even I think sometimes when what I did wasn't so grand. I remembered it all and the emotions flooded my soul. I wondered who I share my next novel with? Who will fill my heart with the love and happiness that she did. And the tears began.I put my guitar away and just thought. Tears in the night are something I am familiar with. Falling asleep on a damp pillow is nothing I am a stranger to. The reasons are not new to me and I do not feel silly for crying them. What I do feel is this. Do you keep dreaming your dreams? Do you continue to "reach for the stars" when one of the stars is the very love you did it all for? Tonight, I will cry more when I sleep. I will talk with Sheila about the things we did and dreamed of doing.Is it alright to cry in the night? If it isn't then I am doing wrong because tonight... I will cry for her. For her and for the way she sat and listened tirelessly as I sang my songs...

Darrel Day

Life after you lose a loved one...

Is there Life after A Death... Strange that I would write a novel about a soul that wanders the world not yet rested. A lady that was filled with love and yet in one sad moment, she took her own life. All she wanted to do was love and be loved. But the novel doesn't simply rest on Christines ability to find peace. Achieving that goal involves new people, new loves but also... the ones left behind. Life after death. Not what you think here at all. I am not going to debate one of the most ancient of old questions. That is for someone elses blog. I am talking about "life" in the "living" mode after a loved one {mainly a spouse}has gone to heaven. What happens to the one that is left behind? What is their life to be now? I think for some, they simply move on with their lives. Some take time to go away and reflect for a time before beginning they return to life normal, what-ever that may be. And then... there are those of us that sit in limbo, like Christine, wondering what their purpose now is in life. This I believe is especially true for those that were care-givers. I remember when Sheila first could walk again after so long of needing me to help her. I was devistated. I suddenly wondered what my purpose was. For so long I was her stand up, lift up, lay down, lift her legs into her bed, tucked her in guy. Now... what was it I was supposed to do? It took time to go back to the "normal" everyday life. I had to redefine my purpose all over again. I adjusted just in time for her to go back into the hospital and come out in a wheelchair and needing again. We did this more times than I care to say but each time I had to start over. But at least I knew what was expected of me when we did need to readjust. And then one day... she was gone forever here on earth. All I had done for 24 years, everything I knew about how we lived and how we sgheduled her illness around our life, was gone. I wasn't going to get up in the night to take her to the bathroom. I wasn't going to readjust her pillow or turn her just so and try to make her as comfortable as possible. I wasn't going to lift her into the van or kiss her good morning or kiss her goodnight anymore, except in my dreams. My world had changed in a most terrible way. The only thing that was still very familiar was the endless flow of tears. BOOM!!!!! Jump ahead now to present day, two years and a month later with me. Still the sorrow, the unbeleviable pain and loss that still holds me in its grip. The tears still flow and the dreams are never ending. There is Love after the loss but at what cost. The fear that I may forget Sheila if I give my love to another. Yet the love is there and the want is there. The desire to give everything I am to another, does that nullify my place with her in heaven? DO I lose the right to hold her in heaven? And my new love. What of her? Will she live with a man that has not let go of his past? Will she ask me if I love only her? The heart wants to love again but the mind is still afraid. Afraid that I might love again and then face again the horrible, soul torchering feeling of loss that I felt when Sheila went to heaven. I can proclaim my love but only in words. When I say I love you, am I lessening my love for My Sheila? How much of me is there to give? Will it be enough to cause my new love to stay or will the Ghost, the very essence of My Sheila cause her to one day say, "enough?" I walk around in a daze often, unsure of what it is my purpose really is. I strive to find new purpose, a new reason to get out of bed each day. I got up each day because Sheila loved me and needed me. I knew every single day what it was I was going to do and whom it was going to be with. Is there life after the death of a spouse you loved with all you were? Yes, I truly believe there is. Some times it takes a little time and patience and the right love to bring it out. But be encouraged, there is "life" after the death of a deeply loved partner. It just has to be found in it's season and in it's time. I will write more on this as I do have more thoughts.

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