New Home For Dear Bette

All:

 

Dear Bette -- An Online Advice Column has a new home!  It may now be found at Dear Bette -- An Online Advice Column.  Would love for you to go check it out!  Thanks!

Happy Father's Day!

As far back as the 5th grade I remember realizing that my mom was the best dad a kid could have.  I began the practice of giving mom Father's Day cards, cooking her a special dinner and making her a cake.  When I got older and moved away, I always sent her serious and or humorous cards and called her on Dad's Day.  Mom was not just a mom to me, she was also my dad and I feel that I was fortunate to have developed a special relationship with her.  She was my best friend, a role model as a survivor, fighter, jokester.  True, as a youngin, she was not the best parent she could have been -- however, I later understood the why's of it all.

 

Dad's should teach you certain things.  As a child, mom taught us how to play sports, fish, camp -- just everything that typically falls upon dads.  Dad's typically feel it is their responsability to provide a decent home and food on the table.  Sometimes our food came from a food bank, but she made sure we were fed.  We always lived in a decent house and she did all she could to ensure it was a real home. 

 

So in honor of my mom, and the world full of moms just like her ~~~

 

Happy Father's Day!!!

Working Hard!

Hi All!

 

I haven't posted in a while and as I am now working two jobs due to, well, I'm sure you understand why folks are taking second jobs these days.  Anyway, I hope to be able to put something up here next week as my work schedule lightens up a little.

 

Thanks so much for continuing to come by -- it is much appreciated!

 

Great Site For The Plus Size Woman or Junior

Some time back, I met a woman online who runs the site Perfectly Shaped World. MK (Casey) van Bronkhorst realized that there were not many online stores that catered to the plus sized woman and developed this amazing store.

Now, I don't consider a size 12 falling into the plus size but some manufacturers do and that's where the size chart begins and goes all the way up to 7x. That alone gives women choices they are not going to find in an offline store. The pricing on the products are extremely affordable, too. It also gives the women who do not feel comfortable shopping in public an excellent resource to utilize.

Women, and men who like to shop for their ladies, will find everything from Accessories to Intamate Apparel. A fine selection of whatever one might want to showcase their curvey femine style. In looking through the store, I did not find the typical attire that you might see in a departments store, these items are just as fashionable and trendy as the smaller sized women have available to them.

When you visit the site, you will also see that there is a list of Centers for everything to complete your look: Hair care, fragrances, cosmetics and much more. You will also find a web community called the PSW Social Club where members can find friendship and support. I myself think the Perfect Pairings section listed under Shopper Services in the right side menu bar (where you can also utilize a Personal Shopper) to be most beneficial because I often have trouble recognizing what works with what and for which season!

I applaud this site owner, MK (Casey) van Bronkhorst, for bringing to the web community not just a store, but a welcome feeling that tells visitors they have as much right to great affordable fashion as those who can just pop into a land store and buy right off the rack.

Go visit Perfectly Shaped World today!

"Perfectly Shaped World - Plus Size Fashion-Forward Clothing and Apparel for Women and Juniors. Now Featuring: Earth Eco Friendly Center"

Tears In My Night

Silent moments often bring on silent memories. Memories from the past that are ever with us but are at times stirred by a sound, a smell, just a minutes thinking to long.With these memories many times come tears. IS it alright to cry? Is it o.k. for a "man" to shed tears? Well, if it is not then I guess I will have to face whatever stereotyped thoughts some may have. Nothing someone thinks will change the tears I cry in the night. After 23 years of loving and standing beside My Love, I think I earned a few. And as a bonus, crying has been found to be a healthy and often needed release of built up tensions and emotions. No, I don't go stand on the street corner and bawl my eyes out. Grandstand tears are meaningless and show no true sadness to me. But I guess I am getting away from my purpose for writing at 2 a.m.

There are so many reasons why I cry in my nights. Most I think you may relate too. I lay in my bed at night and I remember talking with My Love about tomorrow. We talked about our yesterdays and plans for the weekend. We laughed sometimes, we smiled a lot and yes... we made love. Did I tell her how much she meant to me? Did I hold her in a way that she knew? I lay in my bed at night and I talk to her just like I would if she were physically laying beside me. I ask her things that I am having trouble figuring out and wait for an answer.

What brings these things on? What makes them so powerful some nights. Perhaps events of the day or things that you heard or felt. The questions you ask seem silly at times but when they were asked... they seemed very right. My question tonight was... When do you just quit "reaching for the stars?" Ever ask yourself that question? I do. I had been playing my guitar and singing with my daughter and family. It is something I enjoy doing so much and can do for hours. My daughter had to work in the early morning. I knew this and understand her need for sleep. Something I require almost none of. She excused herself and others said they too wanted to sleep. I still had song inside of me. I was not ready to just stop. And then it hit me. Suddenly I was flooded with memories of when Sheila was here. I remembered the excitement of when I was cutting my CD. I remember how happy and proud she was of me when it was finished and we listened to it together. She would sit for hours, even tired, and just listen to me play and my heart would swell so big.

And of course, one memory begets another and I was remembering when my first novel was published. The excitement and the smiles as we opened it and read D.R.Day on the cover 100 times. She was so proud of me. My second novel was no different for her. She hugged and smiled and hugged me some more. She was my greatest fan even I think sometimes when what I did wasn't so grand. I remembered it all and the emotions flooded my soul. I wondered who I share my next novel with? Who will fill my heart with the love and happiness that she did. And the tears began.I put my guitar away and just thought. Tears in the night are something I am familiar with. Falling asleep on a damp pillow is nothing I am a stranger to. The reasons are not new to me and I do not feel silly for crying them. What I do feel is this. Do you keep dreaming your dreams? Do you continue to "reach for the stars" when one of the stars is the very love you did it all for? Tonight, I will cry more when I sleep. I will talk with Sheila about the things we did and dreamed of doing.Is it alright to cry in the night? If it isn't then I am doing wrong because tonight... I will cry for her. For her and for the way she sat and listened tirelessly as I sang my songs...

Darrel Day

Life after you lose a loved one...

Is there Life after A Death... Strange that I would write a novel about a soul that wanders the world not yet rested. A lady that was filled with love and yet in one sad moment, she took her own life. All she wanted to do was love and be loved. But the novel doesn't simply rest on Christines ability to find peace. Achieving that goal involves new people, new loves but also... the ones left behind. Life after death. Not what you think here at all. I am not going to debate one of the most ancient of old questions. That is for someone elses blog. I am talking about "life" in the "living" mode after a loved one {mainly a spouse}has gone to heaven. What happens to the one that is left behind? What is their life to be now? I think for some, they simply move on with their lives. Some take time to go away and reflect for a time before beginning they return to life normal, what-ever that may be. And then... there are those of us that sit in limbo, like Christine, wondering what their purpose now is in life. This I believe is especially true for those that were care-givers. I remember when Sheila first could walk again after so long of needing me to help her. I was devistated. I suddenly wondered what my purpose was. For so long I was her stand up, lift up, lay down, lift her legs into her bed, tucked her in guy. Now... what was it I was supposed to do? It took time to go back to the "normal" everyday life. I had to redefine my purpose all over again. I adjusted just in time for her to go back into the hospital and come out in a wheelchair and needing again. We did this more times than I care to say but each time I had to start over. But at least I knew what was expected of me when we did need to readjust. And then one day... she was gone forever here on earth. All I had done for 24 years, everything I knew about how we lived and how we sgheduled her illness around our life, was gone. I wasn't going to get up in the night to take her to the bathroom. I wasn't going to readjust her pillow or turn her just so and try to make her as comfortable as possible. I wasn't going to lift her into the van or kiss her good morning or kiss her goodnight anymore, except in my dreams. My world had changed in a most terrible way. The only thing that was still very familiar was the endless flow of tears. BOOM!!!!! Jump ahead now to present day, two years and a month later with me. Still the sorrow, the unbeleviable pain and loss that still holds me in its grip. The tears still flow and the dreams are never ending. There is Love after the loss but at what cost. The fear that I may forget Sheila if I give my love to another. Yet the love is there and the want is there. The desire to give everything I am to another, does that nullify my place with her in heaven? DO I lose the right to hold her in heaven? And my new love. What of her? Will she live with a man that has not let go of his past? Will she ask me if I love only her? The heart wants to love again but the mind is still afraid. Afraid that I might love again and then face again the horrible, soul torchering feeling of loss that I felt when Sheila went to heaven. I can proclaim my love but only in words. When I say I love you, am I lessening my love for My Sheila? How much of me is there to give? Will it be enough to cause my new love to stay or will the Ghost, the very essence of My Sheila cause her to one day say, "enough?" I walk around in a daze often, unsure of what it is my purpose really is. I strive to find new purpose, a new reason to get out of bed each day. I got up each day because Sheila loved me and needed me. I knew every single day what it was I was going to do and whom it was going to be with. Is there life after the death of a spouse you loved with all you were? Yes, I truly believe there is. Some times it takes a little time and patience and the right love to bring it out. But be encouraged, there is "life" after the death of a deeply loved partner. It just has to be found in it's season and in it's time. I will write more on this as I do have more thoughts.

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more on being Bipolar

The site in the title here is an excellent source of information. When I open Google and type in Bipolar, I realize how huge this issue is today. I also hear the echo of people saying "everyone seems to be that... We didn't have it when I was a kid. We just "dealt" with it." Hmmm??? Well, dealing with it then was leaping out a window or any number of ways that it was "Dealt" with. Today there are medications to try. There are support groups and medical staff that see the signs and reach out to help. And there is something more. Something I think is the most important growth and aide in the battle of this disorder. There is public AWARENESS! Help in educating those around us of what Bipolar is and what can be done to help. That is what it takes to make ANY subject more visable and better understood. But what really happens when you are Bipolar? The chemical change is the "cause" for the disorder. You can read about it in the URL's I have here. But truly, the things that happen daily are the real issues. Can it be turned off or cured? There is no known cure for this disorder but there are, as I have said, meds that can sometimes help. Takeing the medical side away, it is the everyday life happenings that make me what I am and dictates how the disorder affects me. A comment was left that said "I feel so distant to the subject." It isn't like a Rubics Cube in any way. The sides, no matter how you turn them will never match up. There will always be colors that don't match and thoughts that can't be placed in with others. I wake some days and have not a clue what I am going to do. I fight to decide whether I can get out of bed or not. I fear the day that might be coming. Highs that make you smile so big and so long are so frightening because there is ALWAYS a low in equal proportion to deal with. The one you love that is bipolar may at times seem so far away from you that you feel alienated from them. They may be unwilling to talk or seem angry or irritated at you. One of the hardest things to ask you to do is too simply wait for the moment to pass. Don't take it personally because chances are... it isn't meant to be. Just going to the store sometimes can be a manic moment or a "freak out" moment waiting to happen. Sometimes... we are like a child and need to hold your hand or touch your shoulder to feel safe. Tears that come from no-where, outbursts that are aimed at the open air, simply getting in a vehicle and driving to be alone without warning are just some of the things you might see. Wanting to be left alone for hours on end, sleep that is like mine, 2 or 3 hours a day and still feeling filled with energy are some others. I know there is still so much to say and to open up to you. I think it is important to know all you can know about this disorder if you are to cope daily with a loved one that has this. The more you know, the better equipped you are to help your loved one. You will never know all of it. How can you? We, the ones that suffer it don't even understand it all the time. But we do what we would ask you to do. Try, thats all. Learn the signs that say "Hey, I don't want to be here" or "I don't want to talk about this." Actions like jerking and head shaking are little things to watch for. If you love them and you are their "safe" place, remember that it took so much of them to feel safe with you. They will trust you unconditionally until you break that trust. And we alwayssss think you might. Paranoia is simply a huge part of this disorder. How I wish it Could be "turned off" or "cured" but it can't as of yet.So I will deal with it as best as I can for now. I will cling to my "safe place" and pray for my day to be acceptable to me. I will hope in my heart that you don't feel so "distant" to this disorder as you learn more. And I will alwaysssss be loyal and true to your love. I never said "faithful"... but I did say loyal. God Bless you and keep you safe. Darrel

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Being Bipolar

My first thought is...Do I DARE!!! My second thought is...There are so many people that suffer from this disorder, I might be remiss in Not saying something. It is often over looked by doctors and treated as simple depression or more serious depression. It can bring on more emotions than one could ever imagine. This disorder has the potential to take control of your every thought. there are a lot of medical terms and ways to tell you about this disorder. Sometimes it is nice to get the main thoughts on a disorder from someone who Does know. I won't go into great detail here today on just how deeply it has effected me. Yes, I said Me, as in myself. I know about it because I suffer from this often frustrating and sometimes crippling disorder. Being diagnosed too many years ago than I care to try and recall, it has many times caused me to shrink back, out of site, away from all that exists. It has led me down roads I would have sworn I would never venture down. And yet, I found myself right in the middle of this disorders worst trials. Often times, the feelings you will have won't be so different from people who do not suffer from any disorders. They are "normal" feelings and often go away without any lasting complications. I think that everyone goes to sad times now and then. Life just sometimes does us that way. It is the times that do Not go away with time that bring us to look deeper into our symptoms. The highs and lows that we have become all too familiar. They are very often harder for those that love us to deal with than ourselves. We know them intimately and come to know {most of the time}when we are about to be sideswiped by a nasty low. But to those around us that watch us smile and just as they try to interact, we go to the very farthest other side of happy and they are left standing there wondering what they did to make us sad. Then as suddenly as we were sad, we become happy again. We now have a person with us that is no longer perky because they think they did something. We are ready to smile again and they are not.And so begins a vicious circle of us being upset because we want to smile again and they wont. And,this is all in a matter of minutes quite often. So it is to say that those that love us and we find safety in are very much a victim just as we are. I find myself content to be alone a lot because I don't have to worry about causing a loved one any grief. Oh but wait... there is the issue of "oh my, now I made them sad because I am not around them." Yes, it is a full swing circle and this is our life. For some, the meds are a life saver and I say that for those that they are, stay with them. Do what works for you. For those like myself that simply can not make themselves take a med, we will continue to be a worry to our family and doctor, but... we will continue to be. Each of us are the same mind and each of us are different. We seek out what allows us to be as "normal" as we can be in the eyes of those we pass each day. That is sometimes why we go undetected and misdiagnosed so very often because unless someone actually sees us in one of our "mood swings", they will never even know there is an issue. I think sometimes one of the hardest emotions to deal with is the love issue. I am capable of loving and caring for so many at any one time. And yet I also can turn and walk away at the drop of a hat. To love me is to take a daily chance and hope that I wake tomorrow still wanting or able to be near you or with you. Perhaps this is only me but I somehow doubt that. The love is truer than any you will know and I never stop loving even if I have to move on in my mind. Yes, if a person hurts or kills someone or does anything to catch the medias eyes and they are bipolar or suffer from turrets too as I do, the world seems to need to place a special emphasis on that. Not all killers or people with mind issues are bipolar and not all bi My first thought is...Do I DARE!!! My second thought is...There are so many people that suffer from this disorder, I might be remiss in Not saying something. It is often over looked by doctors and treated as simple depression or more serious depression. It can bring on more emotions than one could ever imagine. This disorder has the potential to take control of your every thought. there are a lot of medical terms and ways to tell you about this disorder. Sometimes it is nice to get the main thoughts on a disorder from someone who Does know. I won't go into great detail here today on just how deeply it has effected me. Yes, I said Me, as in myself. I know about it because I suffer from this often frustrating and sometimes crippling disorder. Being diagnosed too many years ago than I care to try and recall, it has many times caused me to shrink back, out of site, away from all that exists. It has led me down roads I would have sworn I would never venture down. And yet, I found myself right in the middle of this disorders worst trials. Often times, the feelings you will have won't be so different from people who do not suffer from any disorders. They are "normal" feelings and often go away without any lasting complications. I think that everyone goes to sad times now and then. Life just sometimes does us that way. It is the times that do Not go away with time that bring us to look deeper into our symptoms. The highs and lows that we have become all too familiar. They are very often harder for those that love us to deal with than ourselves. We know them intimately and come to know {most of the time}when we are about to be sideswiped by a nasty low. But to those around us that watch us smile and just as they try to interact, we go to the very farthest other side of happy and they are left standing there wondering what they did to make us sad. Then as suddenly as we were sad, we become happy again. We now have a person with us that is no longer perky because they think they did something. We are ready to smile again and they are not.And so begins a vicious circle of us being upset because we want to smile again and they wont. And,this is all in a matter of minutes quite often. So it is to say that those that love us and we find safety in are very much a victim just as we are. I find myself content to be alone a lot because I don't have to worry about causing a loved one any grief. Oh but wait... there is the issue of "oh my, now I made them sad because I am not around them." Yes, it is a full swing circle and this is our life. For some, the meds are a life saver and I say that for those that they are, stay with them. Do what works for you. For those like myself that simply can not make themselves take a med, we will continue to be a worry to our family and doctor, but... we will continue to be. Each of us are the same mind and each of us are different. We seek out what allows us to be as "normal" as we can be in the eyes of those we pass each day. That is sometimes why we go undetected and misdiagnosed so very often because unless someone actually sees us in one of our "mood swings", they will never even know there is an issue. I think sometimes one of the hardest emotions to deal with is the love issue. I am capable of loving and caring for so many at any one time. And yet I also can turn and walk away at the drop of a hat. To love me is to take a daily chance and hope that I wake tomorrow still wanting or able to be near you or with you. Perhaps this is only me but I somehow doubt that. The love is truer than any you will know and I never stop loving even if I have to move on in my mind. Yes, if a person hurts or kills someone or does anything to catch the medias eyes and they are bipolar or suffer from turrets too as I do, the world seems to need to place a special emphasis on that. Not all killers or people with mind issues are bipolar and not all bipolars are killers or harmful to others. It only places a scared or "oh my God, they are..." image in the worlds minds when they exploit the fact of the illness. If it IS that important, then when that same person gets to court, treat them with the same thought. Understand them and realize that they are not always able to walk in the rest of societies world. Be kind and patient and you might find that they are the very loyalest friends you will ever know...as long as you don't break their trust. I hope in my heart of hearts that my words will be encouraging to someone. I hope that I never say anything to cause ones heart to hurt or feel badly. And I will strive to always write words that will place knowledge to help not only those that suffer from this disorder, but also those loved ones that live with it daily. I hope to help others see they are not so alone and not so different. I just felt the desire to write about this today. polars are killers or harmful to others. It only places a scared or "oh my God, they are..." image in the worlds minds when they exploit the fact of the illness. If it IS that important, then when that same person gets to court, treat them with the same thought. Understand them and realize that they are not always able to walk in the rest of societies world. Be kind and patient and you might find that they are the very loyalest friends you will ever know...as long as you don't break their trust. I hope in my heart of hearts that my words will be encouraging to someone. I hope that I never say anything to cause ones heart to hurt or feel badly. And I will strive to always write words that will place knowledge to help not only those that suffer from this disorder, but also those loved ones that live with it daily. I hope to help others see they are not so alone and not so different. I just felt the desire to write about this today.

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Great Post Allison!

Hi Everyone! I was just reading Allison's post (right below this one) and it really is terrific advice. I am pretty open with my kids, and very aware of how I speak to them. I give them space, try not to hover, and allow them to make mistakes. Sometimes one of us will be prone to a temper tantrum. When it is one of the kids, I tell them to walk away and spend some alone time, and then (before much time passes) the situation has calmed and we can talk about it and find the words to think it through. Unfortunately, sometimes I am the one who has a temper tantrum, and I do the same thing, I go to my room spend some alone time, and when I am calmer I speak to the kids, offer my apologies if anyone's feelings got hurt and explain myself in a constructive way. In my day (gosh that made me sound old) parents did not apologize. They were right all the time and did not have to offer any explanation for their actions. I think that makes for a pretty confusing and resentful childhood. So, if we recognize this, we can heal the next generation by showing our children a true adult way to conduct themselves. Admit your mistakes and weaknesses. Very good point Allison, thank you for writing!

Liz thinks I should write a post on homeschooling, and I plan on doing that just haven't found the words I want to say just yet. My mind is sort of set on making money to support my family right now, so I do apologize that I have been sort of absent here on this blog. I do visit it often to see who is posting, but I have just not settled in to do any writing. My bad. I will tell you, that this is my second year homeschooling, and it was much easier than the first. My 8th grader is somewhat behind in Literature and Math, but I have decided it will not kill him to work a couple of weeks into the summer. I have found an excellent tutor in my friend's husband, he sat down with Dante last night and very patiently worked with him. I was in awe. Usually Dante starts sneezing and itching when he does math...like he is allergic to it, and at first he did sneeze a few times, but after a few minutes he totally calmed down and was able to work efficiently with Shawn. It was like an angel flew in and took this burden off of my plate. Yes, I do believe in miracles and angels.

Anyway, (not to change the subject) but I am attempting to re-read "Conversations With God" and I am finding it very helpful in removing my anxiety and finding my faith again. Healing is an on-going process, or as the book would say, re-membering is an on-going process. I get lost in the hustle and bustle of things, I get caught up in disappointment and fear, and when I do I find it helpful to go back to my self-help books. I highly urge any of you to visit our Amazon store and order "Conversations With God", it will amaze you and answer so many of your life-long questions.

One more thing before I go...I have written a new lens on Squidoo to help promote TSEAN. If you don't mind, please take a moment to visit there and if you are a Squidoo lensmaster, please rate the lens for me. You can also Digg it or Stumble it. That would be very helpful. Here is a clickable link: OK To Like Yourself

Thanks everyone! Have a great day!

Admit Your Faults

 

Admit Your Faults

Mothers Make Mistakes
Do you sometimes feel like you're doing everything wrong, your kids are going to suffer and you shouldn't even be a mother?  It's not uncommon to have those feelings from time to time.  Life is far from perfect.  Human beings make mistakes and suffer sometimes.  Our kids will get hurt and there'll be nothing we can do to protect them.  Hard to accept, but all of this has nothing to do with whether you should or shouldn't be a mother.

Learning Curve
Why do we assume we should make everything OK at all times for ourselves and for our children?  The job of being a mother is like every other job in that it has its ups and downs, a learning curve, and tasks we like and tasks we don't like.  The difference is that the job of a mother trains us to be a better human being.  If we're already doing things perfectly, how can we strive to be better?  It's important that sometimes, everything is not OK.

Kids Need to Make Mistakes Too
You are a role model for your children.  Teach them how to make mistakes, have faults admit them, apologize and grow from them.  Let your children know that you aren't perfect and that they don't need to be perfect either.  Let them know that life isn't supposed to be perfect but that we are all striving to become better human beings and that when we do, we make this world a better place.  They will feel safe even with imperfections because they'll see you recognize your mistakes and do repair work.  They'll enjoy knowing that whatever they mess up, they can attempt to clean up too.

It's About Growth
Admit your faults when you have them.  This job can take you to the depths of your pain and lift you to the greatest heights you can reach as well.  You don't have to be perfect but you can learn how to better yourself.  You can always be more giving, more loving, more organized, more disciplined, more patient, more of just about anything.  But don't let that make you think you're not right for this job.  Instead, know that this is exactly why you have this job.

©2007 Allison Gilbert, M.A., L.M.F.T.; Free Tips
www.MothersHaveNeedsToo.com

Ignoranamus Maximus

This original posting can be found at Words of My Life by Kevin Numerick:

 

I very much dislike racists. Bigots. Anything of the sort. One of my good friends had something happen that deals with rude, ignorant foolish people of this type. It really pisses me off. Some prick ass schmuck worker of some company kept coming up with lies that were easily disproved by simply having someone else request the same service and get a different answer.

I cannot tell you how much this makes my skin crawl with irritation. It's 2008 people, it's more than time to get over this type of garbage. I know you likely agree if you are reading this blog.

Now, don't get me wrong, I know in some things I am rather naive, especially when it comes to different cultures, but I sure do not sit here and judge others for it. In fact, in my short time here, knowing some of the people I do, I have taken time and indulged myself into some of the other cultures within our great country. I found out just how much I didn't know. A lot. There's still plenty to know, plenty for me to learn, that is why I just don't get this crap.

When I was in college in New Mexico I joined the Black Student Union. Yeah, that's right, I sure did and it was one of the best things I ever did. I got some quarky looks sometimes, being the white boy in the black student union, but I just tried to use that to get others to listen and say, oh hey, I should check this out too. I even remember sometimes when handing out flyers the responses I would get were just silly. "No thanks, I'm not black."   Well no shit…am I? Nope, it was about having the chance to gain knowledge about something I didn't know.  Apparently they didn't look at it like that.

In the end though, we, myself and the rest of the group, took that school organization that was crumbling and made it the most successful one on campus with the highest number of people involved. It was an awesome experience. We did all sorts of stuff. Some of which has become an annual event for the college now. I'd say that is some success.

I also joined the Hispanic Student Association. This wasn't quite as large, but there were a lot of great people involved with this group as well. I really learned a lot of differences between the cultures, and being from norther Michigan where almost everyone is white, it was amazing to me. I told you, I was/am naive, but I really like learning about all of this stuff. The most important things I learned though, were the similarities.
I also spent quite a bit of time learning about the older cultures of New Mexico. The Native American tribes and history of that state are incredible. I walked through cliff dwellings, listened to the stories of some elders, walked through museums and saw artifacts, art, and the horrors that the Spaniards brought with them when they first came to this country. It was all a bit overwhelming sometimes.

In the end, I learned that we are all in search of the same thing. Happiness. Even with our differences, we are in search for a common goal. And that brings us back to these idiots. I just don't get it. I don't. We're all here, we're all people, we're all uniquely joined together through this world, this country, and bring to each other new growth and knowledge, and we all are striving to make it in life, to be happy, why must some spit on others as if they do not have that same right to dream, to live, to love, to be happy. It's just not right. It's not acceptable.

You're not black, brown, purple, yellow, red, green, or any other color. You're my neighbor. My friend. My lover. My child, my brother. That's all I see. Maybe someday everyone will see people like that.

 

 

Marks On This World

The Day We're Born We Start To Die:  It's what you do in between your begining and your end that others will remember.  There are some people who are born to greatness, it's something automatic about them that without their ever realizing it, their path is predtermined.  Fated.  Destined.  There are others who also have paths laid out for them, but they live lives of mediocracy or in worn and tattered clothes getting their meals from a soup kitchen.  Some fall into good things by chance, others work very hard reaching for the American Dream.

 

It doesn't matter who you are or what your station in life is, no matter what we think, we all leave our mark.  We all have things about us worth remembering.  We've all touched at least one someone and changed their life in some way.  I guess what I am trying to put across is that you don't have to be super rich, a doctor, actor or politician to leave a mark of yourself on this world.  You may view yourself as just the average everyday sort and still be a powefull force in someone else's life, without ever realizing it.  It can be something you've said or a deed you've done that so alters someones perception about who they are and inspires them to improve upon themselves to a degree that they in turn leave their mark on someone else as being that other person's inspiration.  You alone can set in motion a chain of events all the while thinking you're no one special!

 

I am just an average person, but I know the marks I'll be leaving when my time to part company comes.  My children. They are my greatest accomplishments, a gift I was given and bequeath to the world.  They can, and I bet they will leave their mark on a multitude of others.  They've already left their marks on me just by existing. 

 

Another mark of mine, I share with my husband and that is what love should be.  I want my kids to not view it as what my first marriage was, but what this marriage is:  friendship; love; trust.  It's not something we 'work' at, it just is.  Easy and uncomplicated.

 

Maybe I have, or maybe I haven't left my mark on others but I'd like to think I have in some small way.  Others have left their mark on me by way of helping me when I wouldn't even admit to myself that I needed it; inspiring me in some way; or just being there in friendship.  Even the bad marks can help you if you let them, and I've had a few of those as well.

 

So, although I'm just a regular person living a regular life, I will be remembered.  Not by the world at large and I am more than fine with that, but by those that mean the most to me and hopefully a few I've touched along the way.

 

Bette

Case Of Stress

This past week has been one rife with stress for me, and I freely admit that I have indeed let it get to me.  I've had stress about this for a very long time now, and it's finally caught up with me:

 

My husband, my middle child, and myself have been dealing with some home repair issues that the homeowner contracted with someone, to complete in a timely manner.  However it's been almost a year since that contract was made and we are still dealing with it.

 

A number of things were to have been done, and I can say that some have been completed but those were minor ones for this particular contractor to acheive:  the new front porch posts and safety railing for the side porch (where none had ever existed, in violation of course) were installed.  Of the laundry list of things that were ordered, those two things are done -- however the one porch post does move in in extreme wind, so I guess you could say it wasn't done entirely.

 

A basement screen door was paid for in advance by the homeowner the first of August last year.  It was not installed until DECEMBER, and then when the contractor was fired this past January he came and took it.  I called the police, the home owner and the management company.  The contractor claims he received notification of defect from the manufacturer which is why he removed it, but for some reason no one was ever told of this -- he just came and took it one day while the house was empty.  He returned what he claims is a new door two weeks later but only because he was caught.

 

The exterior of the house was painted, last August I believe.  The contractor brought one man to do the job and the contractor left.  There was to be one coat of primer and two coats of paint applied.  Now, as I was home alone with my daughter I kept a close eye on this man I'd never seen before.  When someone goes around the house a total of one time, there is no way in hell what the homeowner paid for was done.  Within a month, the paint looked a old already.

 

On the back side of October last year I had to move all items from the dining area and hall way as the old flooring was to be pulled up.  My living room was a complete and utter distaster from our having to make room for several items.  I dismanteled my table and put it along with all the chairs and a cabinet in the basement until the time came that I could put them back in their rightful place.  The old flooring was pulled up and the contractor and his helper left after explaining he'd have to come back to lay underlayment and let it cure for a day before he could install the new flooring.  Two weeks before Christmas they returned to lay the underlayment!  Finally, on December 22nd, 2007 I had a new floor installed from side door all the way down the hallway.  The floor is ugly; is a soft vinyl type and is not glued down so it moves when I saddle up my portable dishwasher.  Nice.  Because he did not tear up the kitchen portion of the old flooring, there is a ridge in between the kitchen and dining area which cannot be repaired unless the whole thing is pulled back up and installed properly.  Just this past Saturday the trim work was finally installed!!!  Can you at all understand my stress here on this?  He was also to patch some ceiling cracks, which he did in part but claims to have put two coats on and needs to apply a third -- you cannot apply a third coat of anything on top of one, can you?  Right now it looks like it did before he even put that one coat on.

 

He was to repair some water damage in the bathroom floor near the head of the bathtub.  All he did was remove some old caulking and apply new.  The floor was spongy in that area when we moved in, and you guessed it, it still is.  My understanding of repairing something is fixing it to a condition where the problem no longer exists.  But, that could just be me.

 

Here is where I must insert what a great job the roofing contractor did!  This is no lie:  when I'd sit where I always do on the sofa and it's raining outside, it would quite literally rain on me from the ceiling!  The roofing contractor came when no one was home and tore up the bad roof to install a new one.  The clean up job was so perfect, our neighbors had to tell us the job was done that day.  Now, that is professionalism.

 

I remark about the roof repair because below that roof was the living room bow window that leaked water during the rain and freezing air in the cold.  The day of that 'professional' paint job, I was informed the new Anderson Bow window replacement would be installed at the begining of Septemeber.  I was absolutely overjoyed to be having a window I could see out of (the old one was so severly weather-worn nothing I did to clean it worked).  So September comes and goes, as does October and November.  The contractor claims issues with the window manufacturer so we continue to wait.  He promises, in an email to the home owner that the window will be installed before the end of the year.  You got it, the end of the year came and went and we continued to have to jack the thermostat to full volume in order to be what one could call comfortable.  I received an email close to New Years Eve that the window had arrived!  However, by mid January I still had not been contacted to install it.  Close to the end of January, the home owner fired the contrator.  I honestly felt relieved that I would not have to deal with him any longer.  But....

 

I came home from work one day in late February to find that there was a window standing in front of my garage door.  I took pictures of it and the labeling.  No, I have to report here that it was not a new Anderson Bow window nor was it purchased through a window manufacturer.  It is a picture window with casements on either end ordered through Home Depot on December 12th, 2007.  I sent the photo's to the home owner.  A note was left for me to contact him (the contractor) to install the window.  So, after hearing from the home owner to go ahead and use that window, I called the contractor and left a message.  Two weeks later I get a voice mail indicating he just then got my message, he was on holiday the entire time.  Now, I have to ask:  What reputable contractor leaves product out in the open and then goes on holiday?  Last Saturday he comes over to install the new window.  He removes the old one and places it on my front yard.  As more water damage is found, he places a phone call to the home owner giving her two options on what can be done to remedy the situation.  Twenty minutes later, after not having heard back from the home owner, he decided to insert the new window temporarily.  So, he and his helper do just that.  No seal against the cold air or against the expected rain we were to get during the week.  They use our personal trash cans for the debris from the removal of the old window, do not removed the old window from the front yard, and leave.  I inform the home owner of all of this, and as I receieve an email from their daughter I learn her folks are on holiday and she is taking control of the situation.  And boy did she!  She let this contractor know what the thought about his using our property for debris and leaving the old window on the front yard -- a safety concern.  That any contractor should remove all debris from the property at the end of each day.  She questioned his integrity and work ethic.  She has demanded photographs of the new Anderson Bow window he temporarliy installed which they paid for last year, plus all warranty and invoice documentation for all products as well as the supposed letter of defect regarding the basement screen door.  She won't get them.  She also demanded, and got him to remove all debris before I got home that day (last week Wednesday).

 

The contractor was supposed to be over again last week Thursday to patch the ceiling cracks, and based on the emails she had previously sent to him, I was a nervous wreck at having to see him.  What if he was to take his anger at her out on me?  I was directed by the home owner to call the police if it got out of hand.  Well, fortunately the contractor emailed me that he couldn't make it Thursday and would Friday be okay to which I said 'sure'.  I was finally able to relax for the first time that day and it was already 4:39 pm.  So Friday comes and more emails are sent from the home owner to the contractor after she had a chat with the property management company.  He was to call and make arrangements via them to me all along, and he never did -- not once.  He was to call them before coming to the house that day or he would be asked to leave, and I could call the police on him for tresspass.  When I got home from work, I called the property management company to inquire if the contractor did indeed get their approval to come over, as I had not received any notification from them that he had.  He did not call them and I was to ask him to leave if he did show up; to call the police if he refused.  Relief again when he didn't arrive. 

 

I am still in a state of stress,though.  I have a temporarily installed window that is too big to be installed properly by anyone unless the opening is made larger.  I have very cold air coming in worse than before because even though the seal wasn't the best in the old window, at least it was something.  Now there is no seal. so you can imagine the amount of cold air that comes in now.  Fortunately, there was no water infiltration during the rain we got as I have no way to put up any kind of barrier on the exterior.  More stress comes from the fact that this person may come back and remove this window while we're not home, or even worse when my daughter is home alone.  She has been instructed to call the police if he does show up, though.

 

Becuse my husband had a stroke last September, I do all I can to keep him stress free so a potential second stroke, or worse, happens.  There is only so much I can do since he lives this affair right along with me.  I worry for my own health because of this.  I've noticed things about myself that didn't happen before this, but am hopeful that it can now subside knowing I do not have to deal with this contractor in the future.  I won't.  I've informed the property manager that I am fearful of him and just cannot have him here again.  The biggest reason is for the health of my husband:  if anyone were to get nasty with me, he would want to protect me which could be harmful to him. 

 

Please, wish me luck in the resolution of all of this stress.  I can't carry it to the extent that I do alone anymore.  I tried, for many many months, and I'm tired.  Very tired.

 

Bette

 

 

another article for the blog

 

Find Your Identity

Identity Lost
When I left my career to stay home with my first born, I felt like I'd lost my identity.  How could I say, "I'm a therapist," if I wasn't practicing anymore?  How could I feel proud of myself, if I wasn't working outside the home achieving something at a job, career or profession?

Identity Found
As time when on I began to see my identity more clearly when I found other mothers who, like me, made the choice to stay home with their kids.  I admired them and saw we had similar values about raising children.  If I was like them, then I could be proud of myself. 

It's Always There
I began to see that I never really lost my identity.  In fact, every decision I make for my children comes out of who I am and what I've experienced in my past.  I want certain things for my kids because I grew up in the family I did and because I had specific experiences in my life.  My identity, formed out of my past, is wrapped up in achieving something in the future.

I remember one day when my first baby was 1-2 months old and I didn't know he had reflux.  As usual, he started screaming after nursing for 5 minutes.  At my wit's end, I did the only thing I knew how to do:  I walked around with my baby on my shoulder, speaking to him in a slow, calm voice, using the language I learned in my hypnotherapy training.  Hypnosis didn't help my reflux baby but it was a skill I brought to the table in one of my most trying moments as a parent.

Your Good Intentions
You too bring a lifetime of skills, interests, values and wishes into your parenting.  Take a step back, look at your parenting and notice that you use your strengths and experiences from the past to make good choices for your children's future.  Take pride in what you intend to create - your identity forms those good intentions.

Why The Delay In Posting

I literally just figured it out! I now know why I've been in such a funk the past few weeks, and it's because of a piece I was writing for this and the tsean blog. It hit me when I came up here to finally write something for The Journey because I was just about to attempt to write about the exact same subject. I was going to write about the event itself, but now that I know that even after 27years it still affects me, I am going to go about it in a different manner....

Rape. Nasty word. Nasty act. Puts disgrace, self-loathing, fear, feeling of filth, sense of powerlessness, paranoia, lack of self-worth, can't tell anyone because who wants damaged goods, and many other thoughts/feelings into the one it is done to. It is not something one can just 'get over' as I was once directed to do, and though the menacing fear that first envelopes a victim does degenerate over time the base root of that fear never truly leaves.

Sometimes it's a stranger, others you think you know as your friend. In my case, my friend was really no friend at all. I have to ask, who in the hell do some people think they are that they feel they have the right to take what is not theirs? Who are they to think you owe them anything just because they say so? You won't give it up so they force it out of you, and unfortunately some pay the price of their very life in refusing. My life may not have been perfect after it happened to me, but I am grateful to be living.

If it does happen to you, or you know of it having happened to someone you care about, I found the release of my major fear in telling my best friend, my mom. It took me a few years to tell her about it, but when I did, it was like having the perverbial anchor lifted from me. I found I could allow myself to trust again, to take people at face value instead of asuming they would hurt me somehow. Informing the local authorities did nothing for me, and it took two weeks of being afraid to leave the house I was living in at the time before I could even do that. Two weeks of watching everyone around me as I went to work and back -- going to and from work was the only time I did leave the house. Picture in your mind a young girl afraid of her own shadow with squinty eyes as she checks out those around her with scrutiny -- that was me. I saw no friends, I lived secluded from the potential threat of a repeat. The only phone calls I made were to mom, just so she would think all was right in my world.

Life went on, but I was always afraid to be around men I did not know, and some of those I did know. I thought I knew the person that raped me, proof in itself that you can never really know anyone. When the boyfriend I had at the time came back from trying to find work so we could leave Seattle, we packed it up and made out for parts known only to us. I didn't tell mom, I should have as she then set off on a tangent of worry until I finally called her over a month later. Anyway, Donny and I headed south. Hitchhiking at that time was relatively safe for a couple, but even then Donny made sure I was the last one in the car and the last one out. He was very good to me as far as being my protector from evil-doers.

Until we were in Jackpot, NV and he decided to go out drinking and left me alone with a male roommate. It almost happened again! This time I locked myself in the bathroom and jumped out the window, went directly to casino authorities and by the time we got back to the place the man packed his crap and left town! I didn't fully trust Donny after that for leaving me alone when he knew I didn't trust anyone but him. He figured as I was asleep and the room mate was asleep he had nothing to worry about. Donny and I didn't last a year after that because I couldn't trust him to protect me anymore. That and he cheated on me!Sorry if this jumped around, but that's the way it goes!

Rape is dominance and holding power over someone else. It is never about sex. What the victim feels is exactly what the rapist wants them to, and for a very long time.

Do I fully trust anyone now? Sad to say, very very few people. Two live with me, one in Hawaii, one in Buffalo, two in Phoenix. If they read this, they know who they are and most know it is not easy for me to give complete trust. True, there are a tiny amount of folks that although they do not have compelte trust, it's pretty close. The kind of trust I am more likely to give is the kind that if you falter in any way, you won't be let back in the way you were before but more on a distant plain. Harsh, I know but if you've ever been attacked in a manner where you felt your very soul would leave you and believed you would not come out of it without taking a severe beating or even alive, you can understand it.

I know there are stronger women than me out there that have had to suffer through this type of event and have come out of it close to whole. I think I found my way to that point in December of 1995. That's when I met my husband, I just knew I was safe and could be me again. That's 14 years of being who I'd allowed fear to turn me into. Now, after 27 years the major fear has long been gone but I still don't like going anywhere at night by myself. I don't like going back to that place in my mind because it sends me into a sort of depression that isn't all-comsuming but more of a pain in the rear because I'm just in a 'blah' mood.So, that's why I haven't written much in the past few weeks.

I Hit You, I'm Sorry

This is from personal experience: If they hit you once, no matter what they say or how much time goes by, they WILL hit you again:

The first time he hit me, he didn't actually hit me. We were at a party, enjoying a good time over a few beers and conversation. We were introduced to some people and I did note that his eyes stayed on one particular person just a tad bit too long. I got over it and went on about having a great time. We had seperated, talking to different people and I went to ask him something but he was no where to be found. A friend told me he was in the bedroom on the right so I went on in -- only to find him with several other people, one of them being the girl he'd taken in with his eyes earlier. No matter, right?

After leaving the room he told me he was just about to get her phone number! I think I'd had too much to drink or was instantly shocked at what I'd heard because I turned right around to go back in the room to gather my coat and flat out told her that my husband wanted her phone number and she is to please, please give it to him.

I was angry and embarrassed and just wanted to leave. So, I hop in the car and proceded to start it up. Next thing I know, he is standing right in front of the car, daring me to mow him over -- uh, can you say bad move, mister?! I lurched the car to scare him out of my way and when he jumped, it was to the driver's side. Rut roh, I was not going to do well on this. He told me to stop the motor, I did. Shouldn't have, but did because I certainly didn't actually want to hurt anyone, least of all my daughters father. Well, he pulled me from the car, knocked me down and proceded to pound my head into the pavement.

And of course, it was entirely all my fault that he did that. At least, that is what he said. It was my fault he was trying to get another woman's phone number at a party I am at with him! It was my fault for over-reacting to what he was trying to do -- I just wanted to leave, and would have had he just stayed in the house. It was my fault for making him mad and beating my head into the road. Yeah, okay.

Well, I don't remember how either of us got home, but the next day after waking up, he did apologize. He was drunk (not hardly as we had only been at the party for about an hour, if that) and didn't know what he was doing. I let it go because he swore never to hit me in any way again and because I was unwilling to be the bad guy and toss him out. I know, I should have but you always think things will be good in the end. And if I had, I would be missing out on the lives of my two younger kids.

So, as I said, he apologized and said he wouldn't hit me in any way ever again. That held true for many years. Until one day when the dishes weren't clean enough for him. He took every single piece of dishware we had, flatware included, out of the cupboards and told me to re-wash it all and make sure it was clean this time. I was holding my middle one at the time when I told him if he wanted to make sure they were clean he could do it himself. BIG mistake! I saw his right arm rear back and a fist form and instantly turned to my left -- remember I am holding my youngest daughter. Had I not turned my body to the left, he would have landed a severe blow to her face. Instead, I took it in the upper arm and almost dropped my child as it hurt instantly.

In the back of my mind, it became clear to me that I was going to get out of it one day, somehow. I think I lost whatever good feeling I may have had left for him then as we declined a lot afterwards. Not that our marriage was ever that great, it was okay to a point, but because he hit me again and a few other things before and after it there was nothing left to work on to save us. Not that we didn't try a few times, but because I couldn't let go of past deeds it was no use. I admit it, I wanted to forgive and forget especially when I knew he'd actually fallen in love with me, but I'd been hurt far too much in too many ways to give in.

Don't ever stay in something if you ever feel at all that something's not quite right, if you've been hit or hit your someone else, or the feelings you had that were so great before are in question. It's never easy, even when you are at the point of wanting out. In ways I am glad I stayed as long as I did, in others I'm not -- no matter what your intentions, your kids are the ones who pay the price and it's just not worth it.

When You're Not Feeling At Your Best

Ya know, we all go through periods where we are just 'there'; going through the motions as usual, but that certain 'something' about us isn't on par with the norm.  I have been going through a period of 'blah' for the past few weeks which is why I have not posted anything.  Not depressed or overly stressed, just not the typical me.  Of course, I have worries and concerns just like everyone else does but I think the one about needing to find employment closer to home has been what has caused me to go of course.  I love where I work now and what I do, however there's no raise in sight and I have not had a review since I started a year and a half ago.  Time for a change.....

 

This will pass, I know it will.  Everything that goes awry eventually does.  I'll be back up here going full throttle once again soon.  Until then, be well!

 

Liz aka Bette

Find A Role Model

credit for this post goes to The Happy Guy

EXAMPLE

Who's your role model? You don't need one, or course. In fact, you don't need any. But a role model or two can sure help. Find someone who excels at what you are trying to do or who has the character traits you would like to build. A role model can be someone you know, someone you see on the news, or someone who lived a long time ago. Watch what they do and how they do it. Allow yourself to admire their achievements and to emulate their actions.

No role model is perfect; that's not the point. The point is to have an example to help move you forward. If you are trying to make three or four improvements in life, you might want to have three or four role models.

You don't have to do it alone. A role model can help.

Single Parenting and Self Esteem

by Lisa Di Clemente

In my heart I think I always saw myself as a single parent. Who knows why. Maybe its because I saw my Mom struggle through marriage after marriage (5 in all) and getting hurt over and over, all the while dragging us kids through the whole mess. I'm not angry with her, I just think that from a child's perspective I wished she would have been just happy with us, and that she would have spent some of that energy on watching us grow and blossom. Again, I do not fault her, she raised us with the best of intentions. In my mind's eye, I played out the fantasy of how I would raise my children on my own...and low and behold, guess what happened?

After two marriages, a death of one husband and a divorce of husband #2, I saw myself repeating my mother's pattern. There came a point where I stopped myself and said...this is your chance to make a difference. I am now single, by choice. I am making this time for my children. My oldest son has emotional challenges, and my youngest son helps me anchor his brother and is totally a team player. I could write pages and pages about how I know God brought me these children to raise. It has been an amazing journey. (This is one reason I am writing a book!) I definitely have days...weeks...and yes months where I can't find the answers within myself. Although I am not a church goer, I do believe in looking skyward and accepting that all the answers do not lie in my hands. My form of prayer is to say "I appreciate all that I have, but can you please help me find the answer to (this issue)?" Sometimes I have to admit, "I really fouled this one up, can you show me how to get back on the right path?" and I joke in my personal blog about deus ex machina, but the truth is, its a real thing, and I have been swept up by many miracles in my lifetime.

Part of my growth in the self esteem arena, is that I have come to terms with who I am. I like being independent. I like the choices I make and I don't appreciate being put down or second guessed. That perhaps makes me hard to live with, and I can appreciate that. I am an odd combination of bull-headedness and kind-heartedness. I like being treated like a lady, taken out on dates and going out on the town, but I don't like succumbing to a relationship where the woman should let the man do the thinking. In those cases I become a doormat and it gets confusing to me. I'd rather just believe in myself and wait until I find that person who also believes in me. If that never happens...guess what? I'm still ok. Because I LIKE ME. Maybe I don't or won't understand men, but I understand me and thats a step in the right direction.

So you heard me right. I am admitting my faults. I truly don't get the whole relationship thing. I see men and women who have great relationships, and I am sincerely happy for them. That has just never really happened for me. I understand that it is my fault, I have always stuffed my subconscious self in a closet and pretended that a man would make me happy. Well, poo...that didn't work out, it didn't work out 37 times over. So I finally took that subconscious self out of the closet and I befriended her. I dressed her up and told her she is great. Now we (I) smile a lot more. Now we (I) kiss the kids and make each day an adventure. Now I love me, and maybe down the road I will be more lovable to someone else.

What Darrel Knows About Being Bipolar

Darrel is one of our Advisors on The Self-Esteem Advisory Network and he wrote the article below for his own blog. After reading it, I inquired if I could share this post with our visitors and tsean is fortunate that Darrel agreed. Being Bipolar is not a stigma, it is more an evil torment of the mind, emotion, and manner of being. Those who are Bipolar suffer things we who don't have it cannot imagine -- unless you know someone who has it, as I do. In my family, it is one of those handed down charactoristics that lays dormant for the most part, until that one big or little event cranks up the volume and life is forever altered. I have members of my family that the volume did indeed crank up. Me? No, I do not show clear signs regularly, however I know it is there at times. Over the period of my life, I can definately see where I could have gone down that critical road and I count myself fortunate that I could pull it back into what society regails as normal. Be thankful that you do not suffer the mania, depression, superstitions, anxiety, medical cocktails and evaluations those with Bipolarism must endure. Do not judge someone who is Bipolar for they judge themselves far more than anyone else can; forever thinking the world already views them a certain way and is out to get them; trying to behave as society expects only to at some point revert. They need understanding and support; love and knowing they are accepted despite it all. ~~ Liz

My first thought is...Do I DARE!!! My second thought is...There are so many people that suffer from this disorder, I might be remiss in Not saying something. It is often over looked by doctors and treated as simple depression or more serious depression. It can bring on more emotions than one could ever imagine. This disorder has the potential to take control of your every thought. there are a lot of medical terms and ways to tell you about this disorder. Sometimes it is nice to get the main thoughts on a disorder from someone who Does know.
I won't go into great detail here today on just how deeply it has effected me. Yes, I said Me, as in myself. I know about it because I suffer from this often frustrating and sometimes crippling disorder. Being diagnosed too many years ago than I care to try and recall, it has many times caused me to shrink back, out of site, away from all that exists. It has led me down roads I would have sworn I would never venture down. And yet, I found myself right in the middle of this disorders worst trials.

Often times, the feelings you will have won't be so different from people who do not suffer from any disorders. They are "normal" feelings and often go away without any lasting complications. I think that everyone goes to sad times now and then. Life just sometimes does us that way. It is the times that do Not go away with time that bring us to look deeper into our symptoms.
The highs and lows that we have become all too familiar. They are very often harder for those that love us to deal with than ourselves. We know them intimately and come to know {most of the time}when we are about to be sideswiped by a nasty low. But to those around us that watch us smile and just as they try to interact, we go to the very farthest other side of happy and they are left standing there wondering what they did to make us sad. Then as suddenly as we were sad, we become happy again. We now have a person with us that is no longer perky because they think they did something. We are ready to smile again and they are not.And so begins a vicious circle of us being upset because we want to smile again and they wont. And,this is all in a matter of minutes quite often. So it is to say that those that love us and we find safety in are very much a victim just as we are.

I find myself content to be alone a lot because I don't have to worry about causing a loved one any grief. Oh but wait... there is the issue of "oh my, now I made them sad because I am not around them." Yes, it is a full swing circle and this is our life.

For some, the meds are a life saver and I say that for those that they are, stay with them. Do what works for you. For those like myself that simply can not make themselves take a med, we will continue to be a worry to our family and doctor, but... we will continue to be. Each of us are the same mind and each of us are different. We seek out what allows us to be as "normal" as we can be in the eyes of those we pass each day. That is sometimes why we go undetected and misdiagnosed so very often because unless someone actually sees us in one of our "mood swings", they will never even know there is an issue.
I think sometimes one of the hardest emotions to deal with is the love issue. I am capable of loving and caring for so many at any one time. And yet I also can turn and walk away at the drop of a hat. To love me is to take a daily chance and hope that I wake tomorrow still wanting or able to be near you or with you. Perhaps this is only me but I somehow doubt that. The love is truer than any you will know and I never stop loving even if I have to move on in my mind.

Yes, if a person hurts or kills someone or does anything to catch the medias eyes and they are bipolar or suffer from turrets too as I do, the world seems to need to place a special emphasis on that. Not all killers or people with mind issues are bipolar and not all bipolars are killers or harmful to others. It only places a scared or "oh my God, they are..." image in the worlds minds when they exploit the fact of the illness. If it IS that important, then when that same person gets to court, treat them with the same thought. Understand them and realize that they are not always able to walk in the rest of societies world. Be kind and patient and you might find that they are the very loyalest friends you will ever know...as long as you don't break their trust.
I hope in my heart of hearts that my words will be encouraging to someone. I hope that I never say anything to cause ones heart to hurt or feel badly. And I will strive to always write words that will place knowledge to help not only those that suffer from this disorder, but also those loved ones that live with it daily. I hope to help others see they are not so alone and not so different. I just felt the desire to write about this today.

Emotional Freedom with EFT

A Cool Self-Help & Therapy Tool

Wouldn't it be nice to be able to lessen the impact of traumatic situations? The Emotional Freedom Techniques (EFT) work especially well with simple issues. All that's needed is time to focus on your pain while lightly tapping on specific points on your face and upper body.

The tapping points come from the ancient science of Chinese medicine. For example, an Acupuncturist uses needles on these points to balance and heal your body. In EFT, we tap on these points while focusing the mind on a bothersome situation, difficult feeling, or old trauma. It's as if we're doing "emotional acupressure".

I became interested in this technique when I learned it works well to eliminate headaches and migraines. When I started working with it though, I realized how useful it can be for simple emotional upsets like embarrassing situations, arguments, or fears.

What's great about this technique is that most of the time, it can be used like any self-help tool – by yourself, for yourself. At other times, though, it's a good idea to get assistance from someone who has expertise in using EFT. Especially if your issues are very deep and complex, it's nice to have an expert to support you.

How EFT Works

Did you know that the body holds memories? One way we protect ourselves from difficult experiences is by storing them in an unconscious place in the body. Have you ever noticed how your neck and shoulders tighten when you're stressed? Or maybe your tummy starts doing summersaults when you're scared? It could be that the body holds onto unresolved issues for us until we have solutions to them.

The person who developed EFT, Gary Craig, theorized that the negative feelings we experience come from blockages in the meridian energy pathways that are associated with Chinese medicine. When we experience a difficult situation in our lives, it's like a shock goes through the body and these pathways get blocked. To help us understand this blockage, Lindsay Kinney, Life Coach and EFT Master says the blocks in these meridians are like a kink in a hose. Tapping gently on the beginnings of these meridians while focusing on our feelings, unblocks the kink.

New Energy, New Solutions

When the energy that's been blocked starts to flow again, new ideas and solutions can come to you. At the beginning of the tapping process, you allow yourself to simply vent. Then once that's out of the way (or the kink is unblocked), you may find yourself open to new possibilities that automatically come to mind. Stay aware of what's going on inside of you. Then, as you entertain these new possibilities while tapping, it's like you're downloading into your very being, new ways of approaching your issues. So not only does EFT allow the negative feelings to be validated and expressed, but it allows you to reinforce any positive affirmations that come to you as you tap.

It's Free

The best part about EFT is that you can practice it in the comfort of your own home with a manual that can be downloaded for free. As long as you familiarize yourself with the basic steps, you can innovate and you're never doing it wrong. Gary Craig's site contains tons of articles where people share their own innovations with the technique along with experiences, methods and examples of just about any issue, topic or physical malady you could imagine. Many of the practitioners have articles posted on their websites too where you can get even more help.

Good luck tapping!

View the 7-minute EFT Introduction Video

Tapping Points Lindsay's "Power" tapping points

EFT Basic Instructions - Step by Step tapping instructions

Gary Craig's original Free Manual: http://www.emofree.com/downloadeftmanual.asp

Coaching for your tapping: http://www.MothersHaveNeedsToo.com/EmotionalFreedomEFT.htm

Tapping Points

Do You Hear Your Child?

As parents, we expect that our children listen to and obey us, right? We get upset when kids get that far away look in their eye when we are talking to them. Kids just don't listen. Uh, unfortunately some parents don't, either.

Hey, when your child comes home from school and tells you they feel the teacher is making them feel bad, singling them out from the rest of the class in a negative way (ie bad grade -- lowest scores) or ignores them completely -- PAY ATTENTION. When your child tells you they are being pestered on the bus or walking route to school, PAY ATTENTION. When they tell you 'nothing' in response to your asking how they are and it's obvious to you that 'nothing' is something -- PAY ATTENITON. HEAR both what they do and don't say. This is your child, the person you brought into this world with your hopes and dreams for them sky-high. Sure, the kid probably let you down by not getting high grades or scoring the winning point, but when did it cease to matter how they are navigating their life? When you don't LISTEN, you are telling them their joys and concerns no longer matter to you.

Kids sense when their parents aren't really connected to them any more. When that happens, that's when they begin to close themselves off in all areas of their life: school, friends, family. Interest in doing things they had always enjoyed wans and they can seem as if they don't care anymore about much of anything. Listen to your kids. You don't have to like what they have to say, but knowing they always have at least one person in this world they can talk to about anything could mean the difference of your child maintaining their normal selves or becoming and introvert who has no interest in anything.

C'mon, life is hard enough without having to go through it thinking you are alone. Family is your best support system and those that you should never fear going to for help -- do your kids know that? If they don't, work on changing that. You will all benefit and be that close family you dreamed about when you first started out.

Why Are We Doing This?

We are two people who have seen many struggles, faced many demons, built many bridges, taken many roads...well, you get the point. We met via the internet several months ago and found we were kindred spirits with the same goals in mind. We want to help people. Can we negate others from having negative life experiences? Well, not necessarily. We believe that every experience has its purpose, and it is up the dreamer as to how to perceive the dream. In other words, its up to you. We can help, we can guide and advise, but finding your life's purpose and your own happiness is pretty much up to you. So, that's what we are here for. To help, guide and advise. We are building a panel of experts who can manage different subjects, who have their own area of expertise and we honor these mentors from all walks of life. Feel free to “shop around” and talk to different members of our panel. Our services are always free and always anonymous. We do accept donations so we can continue our journey, and offer several donation packages. Advice is never contingent on donation, however.

If you are in crisis, this is not the forum for you. We are not a suicide hotline, we are not equipped or authorized to handle emergent cases. We will not be giving medical or legal advice of any kind. Our function is to help establish your self-esteem, to help you work toward your happiness and accomplish your goals. Namaste means, “I honor the light within you,” and you are honored here on our website. We are happy you came.

Lisa & Liz